Nervous, I was nervous as I drove up to Juliana's apartment that orange afternoon. I honked the car horn outside her place and she came down the steps and to the passenger seat door. She was gorgeous in an elegant yellow sun dress, her dark brown curls brushing her shoulders as the fiery dusk sunset illuminated her bronzed skin. Smiling, she said something, but I didn't hear the first time, too astonished by her appearance.

“-oor,” was the fragment I heard.

“What?” I regained composure.

“Benny! Unlock the door!” She laughed and I melted as she got into the passenger seat.

“Ready?”

“As I'll ever be,” I responded, my voice a bit shaky. I started the car and began to drive to her parents' house.

“Don't worry!” she grinned at me, “They'll love you!”

“Not like it matters, Jules,” I added a bit grimly.

Juliana was suddenly, for a moment, unlike herself. Her expression was a bit uneasy as she shifted in her seat and played with the lace on her dress.

“I really appreciate this, Benny.”

I wanted to say “No problem at all,” but there was a lump in my throat. There were so many things wrong about this all, and it just tore me up inside. I could only nod and give her a weak smile as the dusk light faded away and twilight began to set in.

We arrived at the driveway of Juliana's parents' house a bit after sundown. After a deep breath, we both turned to each other and exchanged wary smiles. Getting out of the car, I realized it was colder than I had thought it to be as I pulled my blazer tighter around myself. Making my way around the car, I opened the car door for Juliana. She stood in front of me in all her beauty, her dark blue cardigan snug to her curves and her soft hazel eyes weakening my knees. I stood rigid in front of her after locking car with a high pitched beep.

“Sheesh, you're so stiff,” she giggled as she looped her arm around mine and we began to walk onto the porch. Outside the door, we turned to each other again.

“Ready, Jules?” I breathed.

For the second time, she was again not herself. She had a somber expression, her distant gaze revealing that her mind was on other things. Then she shook her head, smiled, and nodded at me, once again the bubbly girl I had known all my life.

I rang the door bell and the door swung open.

“So you're the mysterious Benjamin we've heard so little about,” an older man with gray-streaked brown hair grinned at me.

“Yes, Mr. Robinson, I am,” we shook hands and he gave me a warm smile. I could see where Juliana got her smile.

“And you, Mr. Nathanson.”

“Sheesh dad, he's not another client,” Juliana rolled her eyes.

“Oh dear, they're here already?” a woman with dark raven hair peaked from behind her spectacles as she peered around the doorway from another room.

“Mom!” Juliana ran over to her mother and gave her a squeeze.

“Oh so this young man must be Benjamin,” Mrs. Robinson looked me over after her embrace with her daughter.

“Yes I am, and it is a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Robinson.”

“Oh please dear, just call me Audriana, Mrs. Robinson is my mother,” she laughed just like Juliana.

And so the evening began. We all had a nice dinner. Mrs. Robinson had made a pot roast which was positively orgasmic, though I didn't phrase it in such the same way. Mr. Robinson and I got into a great discussion about some of the finer points of the legal system. He added at the end of our talk that it was great to see such bright minds still going into law with all the riff-raff that gets in nowadays.

After dinner we went into the living room and started the fire in the fireplace. That was when the question was popped.

“So, Benjamin,” Mr. Robinson was suddenly serious as he sat in his easy chair, “Do you intend to marry my daughter?”

Everyone else in the room froze as the question hung in the air. I glanced over at Juliana and she returned an uneasy expression.

“Oh honey, don't put him on the spot like that,” Mrs. Robinson patted her husband on the arm.

“We haven't really-” I began.

“We're not sure we're ready yet, Daddy,” Juliana interrupted me, but I was glad she did.

“Well, I certainly hope you hold on to this one, Julie,” Mr. Robinson adjusted his glasses, “He is quite a catch.”

He shot a grin at me and I returned the favor apprehensively.

The night ended around midnight and we all bid our farewells. They'd insisted that we come over again soon and I quickly fibbed that I'd be going abroad for study soon so it would be a while. I glanced over at Juliana when I said this and she shot me a sly smile.

We got into the car and drove off into the night.

The stars were brighter here in the suburbs than in the city. I stared at them through the edges of my vision when I could, trying to keep my mind off the ruse I that had just transpired.

“They really liked you,” Juliana commented a bit sadly.

“Even though I did this for you, you know I think that was wrong.”

“Yeah,” she whispered, “But I just don't think they're ready for me and Sam yet.”

“I just hope I didn't make too much of an impression,” I added.

“Are you going to stay at Sam's tonight?” I asked after a few more miles of large houses.

“Yeah, you could just drop me off at Sam's,” she began playing with the hem of her dress again.

We got to Sam's sometime around 1 am, but I couldn't really tell. My mind was lost in other things: jealousy, confusion, anger, shame. I parked outside and got out as Juliana did too.

Sam opened the door and leaned against the door frame, arms crossed.

“You two sure took your sweet time,” Sam smirked, “That movie must've been pretty good. Anything I should be worried about?”

“Oh, shush you,” Juliana ran up to Sam to give a tight squeeze and turned back to me, “Thanks Benny, I really do appreciate it.”

“No problem,” I lied and added, laughing, “Just don't ask me to do it again.”

She smiled and bid me good night as she turned and slipped into the light beyond the doorway.

“So,” Sam started, “Thanks for taking her out to that movie, she really wanted to see it. I wouldn't taken her but,-”

“Yeah, I know, you were busy with work, it's cool,” I responded.

“Thanks, Ben, have a safe drive home.”

“Thanks,” I turned to my car, but then turned back to take in the image of what I would never have to tempt Juliana's heart.

“You okay Ben?” Sam asked, puzzled.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” I shook myself back together, “Night, Samantha”

“Night Ben.”

I drove back to my apartment and, in a daze, fell on my bed, unchanged. I woke up the next morning, to my own bloodshot eyes and salted streaks on my pillow.

We all sail down this wide expanse of white water, a raging river that is slowly becoming too small for us all to paddle. Around the bend, we can see the forks in the river, the large stream splitting into an expansive network of branched, watery trails. Whether the paths reconnect some later day or split to never see one another again is unknown, we cannot see so far ahead past all this brush and foliage. There's no way to stop now, the current is just too strong, an eternal, endless force which pushes us forward as much as we wish for easier waters.

Maybe we should stop paddling backwards. If we don't, we'll let the current take full control of our destinations. Paddle forward, decide for yourself as much as you can.

I'll admit I'm apprehensive about leaving all these people I've gotten to know so well over these past 4 years, but I'm also anxious. I want to leave and see what the future's like.

“Happy Valentine's Day,” William half-heartedly greeted Lisa as they began to walk side by side down the bustling school halls.

“Happy Singles' Awareness Day,” Lisa corrected him, brushing up against William as she leaned away to dodge a bouquet of roses swung towards her face as an overly ecstatic girl spun around giddily.

“That's sad,” William chuckled.

“That's lame,” Lisa responded, annoyed.

“It just bothers me that people get so crazy this one day of the year.”

“Well, it's a universally agreed upon day for expressing love,” Lisa mused as they stopped at her locker and she began to fiddle with the dial.

“I'm not sure about 'universally,' but I guess I see what you mean,” William rolled his eyes at a couple very publicly “expressing their love” with their faces, “probably more than I should or want to see.”

“I'll see you at lunch?” Lisa asked as she slammed her locker shut with a loud metal clang.

“If I can make it till then,” William feigned a gagging expression as he began to walk away from Lisa, past clusters of intimate couples.

The day was more annoying than others. Some classes were interrupted by gram deliveries, which William treated with a great deal of indifference. “Ooh”s and “aw”s seemed to resonate in the air that day. William grew more irritated with each hour, and by lunch he was near his limit. He needed to talk to someone sane. He needed to find Lisa.

William was the first out of his class when the bell for lunch rang and he ran up towards Lisa's locker, hoping to avoid the couples before they populated and caused traffic congestion. He spotted Lisa's long brown hair at the end of the hall and was relieved. However, that relief quickly twisted itself into an unfamiliar feeling in the pit of William's stomach.

Who was this fellow talking to Lisa with an absurd smirk on his face? He handed her a red rose, which she accepted with a sheepish smile.

“Don't they make a nice pair?” Ada commented as she suddenly appeared next to William, who stood suddenly realized he was standing still in the middle of the hall.

“Who, what, who make a nice what?” William eloquently inquired.

“Isaac and Lisa,” Ada elaborated, “They look pretty cute together.”

William mumbled something incomprehensible. A tight knot formed in his stomach and grew tighter and tighter the closer and closer Isaac leaned towards Lisa with his ridiculous grin plastered on his face. William turned away, disgusted, betrayed, and jealous.

“Hey Will,” Ada spoke hesitantly, “Happy Valentine's Day. I made thi-”

“Happy Singles' Awareness Day,” William corrected her bitterly as he turned away from Ada and her outstretched hand which held a folded, pink card addressed to William.